“Divine Friendship”
“I no longer call you servants, but friends.” Jesus
“In everyone‘s life there is a need for an ‘anam cara’, a soul friend—who reflects the eternal interflow of friendship.” John O’Donahue[i]
“Who is your best friend?”
That was the question posed by a friend recently. It gave me pause.
My mind did a quick life review. Numerous faces of former friends flashed through my mind; Joe Brost who was my best friend growing up. Ted Alberson, my best grade school friend. Rob and Brad, two of my best college friends. Adult friends like Gary, Marty, Rob, Gordie, all of whom are now either dead or gone. Currently there is Chad, a former parishioner, Larry who attends the same church as I do, Chris, a former colleague, and Ernie, whom I met in my first congregation in Chicago, and with whom I’ve been close for almost forty years. I also thought of numerous current female friends, like Rebecca, Linda, Nici, Vera, Anna, Bonnie, Carol and Becky. Truth be told, having grown up with four older sisters and raised four daughters, I’m probably more comfortable having women friends than men.
I invite you to take some time now and do your own “friendship inventory.” Whose names and faces, past or present, come to mind? And would ANY of these qualify as an “anam cara”? As a person with whom you could share anything that is going on in your life, in your mind, in your heart, or in your soul?
Friendship is one of the most precious gift God gives to us. God did not intend for us to be alone, but rather to reflect the relationship that God has within the godhead. Friendship is what defines the relationship that God has within the Holy Trinity. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are a trinity of divine friendship. O’Donahue says that this Trinity is the “most sublime articulation of otherness and intimacy.” I have wondered if one of the reasons he left the Roman Catholic priesthood was because he found his anam cara outside of it. The Holy Trinity is the eternal flow of friendship within which, and from which, flows the gift of friendship to all creation. And Jesus, as the human embodiment of God, is the secret ‘anam cara’ of each individual, whether we know it or not. It is like the children’s song says, “My best friend is Jesus . . . “
I wonder if, during his life, Jesus ever had an anam cara? His was a lonely life. There is a haunting passage in the Gospel of John which says, “For this reason, Jesus entrusted himself to no one, for he knew what was in people’s hearts.”[1] How lonely he must’ve been!
Perhaps we know what that feels like? Perhaps we have experienced, or are experiencing now, a lack of friendship. Though we may have many acquaintances, some of whom may be found in the unreality of social media—Kyrie Eleison, Lord Have Mercy—we may be bereft of someone, anyone, who is our anam cara, our soul friend, our bosom buddy.
“In everyone’s life , there is a great need for an anam cara. In this love, you are understood as you are without mask or pretension. The superficial and functional lies and half-truths of social acquaintance fall away, you can be as you really are. Love allows understanding to dawn, and understanding is precious. Where you are understood, you are at home. Understanding nourishes belonging. When you really feel understood, you feel free to release yourself into the trust and shelter of the other person’s soul.”[2]
How does this land with you? Does it resonate? Do you have an anam cara?
An anam cara is a loved one who awakens your life in order that you might feel safe in the presence of The Other, and be freed to live all the wild possibilities that God has placed within you.
An anam cara may be a life-long friend, or it may be a person with whom you cross paths for only a short time. I will never forget the afternoon I connected with Linda at Iona. The conversation we had sitting outside on a bench, soaking up the all-too-brief and uncommon sunshine in Scotland lasted only a short time, but the sharing of our hearts and souls will last a life-time.
I sense we spend our lives on a quest for deep and meaningful friendship, for an anam cara. I suspect this is what drives many to marriage, and also serves as the elixir of disillusionment that too often ends in disappointment or divorce, when that person fails to provide that divine and eternal friendship.
I am resisting the temptation here to piously suggest that all we need is a friendship with Jesus. For the fact is that Jesus became human, and in so doing embodied the need we have for human interaction. Instead I will leave you with this blessing from O’Donahue.
May you be blessed with good friends.
May you learn to be a good friend to yourself.
May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness.
May this change you.
May it transfigure that which is negative, distant, or cold in you.
May you be brought in to the real passion, kinship, and affinity of belonging.
May you treasure your friends.
May you be good to them and may you be there for them; May they bring you all the blessings, challenges, truth, and light that you need for your journey.
May you never be isolated.
May you always be in the gentle nest of belonging with your anam cara.[3]
[1] John 2:24-25
[2] O’Donahue, p. 14
[3] O’Donahue, p. 36
[i] “Anam Cara; A Book of Celtic Wisdom.” P. 14