“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Thou are with me.”  Psalm 23

“Love is patient . . . Love bears all things, believes all things, endures all things.”

 1 Corinthians 13

Monday afternoon I met a dear friend, Craig, for coffee. I first met Craig six years ago.  He walked into my office with his wife who had been recently diagnosed with Early-Stage Alzheimer’s disease. It’s easy to forget that behind a disease and diagnosis there is a person who has lived a fully and fascinating life.  Seldom have I not felt enriched by the stories of the people living with dementia and their care partners as they’ve recounted their shared adventures.  I found Craig and Pat’s story to be especially captivating.  I can only share Craig’s, for confidentiality purposes.  He gave me permission to do so.

Craig first went to Africa In 1963 as a Peace Corps Volunteer teacher in Tanganyika, later called Tanzania. In late 1965 through an American Catholic nun, he learned about a volunteer pilot position flying for a medical mission support organization based in Nairobi, Kenya. He flew over 800 hours in a single engine Cessna into over 45 bush locations in East Africa. In 1975 he took a Peace Corps staff position in Freetown, Sierra Leone for three years. He was in charge of some 70 volunteers working in agriculture, water, health, roads and community development.  In 1981 he was hired by a company that had a contract with a U.S. Agency for International Development based in Washington. Over the next 24 years he had short term assignments in 15 different African countries. In 2006 he was hired to work as a part time faith-based consultant on another USAID project for the next ten years with numerous conferences and assignments

It was while in Sierra Leone that Craig met his beloved, who was working as a nurse.  It would be seven years before they would marry.  They would partner on many projects of the heart together, including starting “The Friends of Tanzania” which raised funds for small scale development projects in Tanzania. There’s much more to their story, but you get the idea.  Craig and his wife are amazing people! As if all this weren’t enough, what I found most inspirational about Craig is his resiliency in the face of recent life and death experiences.

As we sat sipping our coffee, Craig spoke of all that has happened to him in the last six years.  On top of his beloved wife descending into the dark valley of dementia, his daughter-in-law died of cancer six years ago, and six months ago his son, her husband, was diagnosed with cancer as well.  He died in December.  His wife, now in the advanced stages of the disease, had a recent fall that resulted in physical injuries.  Craig recounted the painful process of not only watching, but walking with those who are closest to him, through the valley of the shadow of death.

What I have heard and seen in Craig is not a questioning of “why me?”, nor resorting to a sense of victimhood, but rather a resilient spirit that has not only sustained him during these difficulties, but even given him a sense of peace, and dare I say some hidden joy?  His is not a Pollyanna perspective, where he tries to put on a happy face to hide his pain. Craig is far more genuine than that. His joy comes from an internal strength that allows him to not only make it through such heartache, but somehow to hold onto happiness as well.  Perhaps it was all his past experiences with those who lived daily walking the razor’s edge between life and death.  Or perhaps it was his own experiences flying missions that many times must’ve appeared to be an appointment with death.  Or maybe it was his faith. 

I knew from previous conversations with Craig that he was a practicing Quaker, but I had never asked him for the specifics, especially as it applied to him personally.  What he told me over that cup of coffee took me a bit by surprise.  I had heard others speak of how God or Jesus or the Spirit had sustained them, how they were clinging to the promises (you’re probably familiar with them, so I won’t repeat them), or looking forward to the life to come.  Craig didn’t say any of those things. Craig didn’t talk like that.  Yes, there was some element of faith that he has on a very deep level.  But it doesn’t come from any specific religion or practice as such.  It is something more broad, more difficult to quantify or qualify.  It is a foundational belief in the Divine without the necessity of defining It, He, or She.  It’s something significant and sacred, whatever it is.  Maybe it’s Love?

As I spent that time with Craig, that is what I heard, saw, and felt from him.  That love that he has experienced with his family, with his friends, with his close community.  It’s not only a love he’s experienced, but a love that he embodies.  Yes, he has been loving towards others, and received love in return.  But Craig’s love is not primarily about what he’s done, but who he is. 

That is what I experience when I’m with Craig.  Love.  His love.  God’s love.  Perhaps both are one and the same.