“Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough.” George Washington Carver

“Nothing beautiful comes without some suffering.” The Book of Joy

Have you ever met someone for the first time that you felt you had met before?  Someone that you seemed to recognize, or “rang a bell” with you?  Your mind spent a few moments running through the rolodex of your memory trying to place the person in some previous place.  That’s the experience I had recently with Gregg.  He had expressed interest in becoming a volunteer with the Alzheimer’s Association.  My colleague Bobbie, the volunteer coordinator, had told me “You’ve got to meet this guy.”  Based on her enthusiastic endorsement I was quite eager to make his acquaintance.  I wasn’t disappointed.

The first thing I noticed about Gregg was his pleasant demeanor.  He has very good energy and a welcoming spirit.  There was none of the initial “get to know you” awkwardness that often occurs when one first meets another.  Like old friends who haven’t seen each other for a while and are eager to catch up, Gregg and I easily fell into conversation.  Gregg spoke of what had led him into his current profession, one in which he records people’s life stories.  He related his journey through life, recounting in humble honesty the difficulties that at times had been quite discouraging if not downright debilitating, and how he had found a sense of new passion for and purpose in life.  That passion and purpose come together in his current career which consists of asking questions of people to elicit their life stories.  He records their sessions, which are then transposed into books.   Gregg creates the space and provides the opportunity for others to discover what wonderful lives they’ve lived.  For Gregg there are four key components in eliciting these stories and bringing these magical life moments into the light.

The first is Compassion.  When one hears that word we often-times think of others.  And truly, it is important to have compassion for others.  But one must also have compassion for oneself.  Gregg told stories of helping others find compassion for themselves, especially as thy relive the times of regret.

The second is Curiosity.  Gregg is genuinely curious about the lives of others and hearing their life stories.  To help them tell their stories Gregg asks questions, and then carefully listens.  What a gift this is.  To sit with another and ask open-ended questions about them, allowing them the time and space to answer, and to listen attentively without immediately thinking of how we should respond, is one of the greatest gifts one can give to another.

The third component is Conversation.  By asking questions it leads into deeper, more meaningful places.  Gregg recounted how he asked one person a very simple question, and in the process of answering it that person recounted personal experiences that they hadn’t told anyone, and revealed deeply held emotions that they hadn’t been aware of.  This is not a superficial conversation in which one talks about the weather, but one in which a person feels safe to be vulnerable and authentic.

All these previous steps lead to Connection.  A connection like the one captured by the quote of George Washington Carver, which is one of Gregg’s favorites.  Sincere interest for another conveys the love one has for that person.  And that love opens the door to their heart as well as our own.

As I listened to Gregg I was not merely impressed, I was inspired.  Here is a person who has cracked the meaning of life by helping others find meaning in their own.  What a joy!

I asked Gregg what inspired him spiritually.  He immediately responded “The Book of Joy”, by Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama.  He spoke of how the eight pillars of joy as recounted by those two icons of faith have helped to shape his outlook on life.  We talked about how these principals might be integrated into a presentation for caregivers and people living with dementia in order to bring them hope and joy in the midst of such a horrible disease.

Too soon it was time for Gregg to leave.  His daughter had a volleyball game he needed to go to.  As he moved to the door, I felt the connection with Gregg.  Here was a kindred spirit, an Anam Cara.  Had I met Gregg before?  Not in person. But almost certaintly in spirit.

I carried that encounter with me this week.  It made each day a little brighter, a little more meaningful.  And it also caused me to buy “The Book of Joy.”  It’s a book well worth reading.  And one that we can all write for ourselves. Perhaps it just takes someone like Gregg, who loves us enough, to help us give up our secrets and see that all of the suffering has caused us to grow into someone beautiful.