“Woman, where are your accusers”?  She answered him, “No one is accusing me.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you.”  John 8

“If we treated our friends the same way we see ourselves we’d all be in jail.”  Unknown

 Self-Awareness is priceless.  Self-Condemnation on the other hand comes at a very great price; our own self worth.  Self-love is inestimably beneficial. Self-Criticism and Self-Judgment are highly detrimental.  Yet most of us are experts in the art.

Sometimes being hard on ourselves comes naturally, perhaps due to the flawed image we have of ourselves; seeing ourselves as something other than who we really are, a Beloved Child of God.  Sometimes it is conditioned from culture or the critics that are unfortunately too common in our lives.  They cause us to ask the question, “What’s wrong with me?”

Culture conditions us to believe that we aren’t good enough as we are,  that we should be someone, anyone, other than who we are.  We are presented with types of people whom we are told we should emulate.  There was only one Michael Jordan, yet we were sold on the idea that we should all “Be Like Mike”. So we spend our lives trying to be someone we aren’t, and when we realize we can’t be that person we perform emotional self-flagellation on ourselves.

Sometimes we get the idea that something is wrong with us from others.  It might begin with kids on the playground who make fun of us.  Perhaps it was our parents who had unrealistic expectations for us to live up to, or maybe even abused us. Sometimes the message is sent from the most unlikely of places: “good” religious people and the  church.

In my former church tradition the worship service would begin with a confession of sins.  We would all recite together that we were “by nature sinful and unclean” that we sinned against God in “thought, word and deed”.  And then we would be given time to ponder our own specific sins.  The rationale was that in order to come into the presence of God we must first “come clean”; In order to fully appreciate grace and forgiveness one must first fully recognize one’s total unworthiness.  I used to believe that . . . not anymore, for many reasons not the least of which is the deleterious effects it has on my spiritual and emotional health and well-being. 

Funny that followers of Jesus would require what He didn’t.  Examples abound, such as the one quoted above with the woman caught in adultery.  Jesus doesn’t require her to repent before he tells her that she is not condemned.  Another example follows closely on the heels of this one, when Jesus encounters the man born blind and the disciples ask “Who sinned, this man or his parents”?  Jesus answers, “Neither. This happened so that the work of God could be revealed.”  My favorite though is the Parable of the Prodigal in which the wayward son returns home with a carefully crafted confession of sins prepared.  But before he can even utter a word his father comes running to him and embraces, forgives and loves him.  All is well!  I think if I were ever to do “church” again that’s how I would want the service to begin, NOT by elucidating everything wrong with me and everyone else, but rather by rejoicing in what is right!  God doesn’t condemn us, so why should we condemn ourselves and others? (Try on Romans 8:1 if you’re into proof-texting)

So what IS right with you?  Maybe take a few moments to ponder that . . . Perhaps even write a list.  If you are having a difficult time of it, perhaps try seeing yourself from God’s perspective. You are God’s dear child!  You are fearfully and wonderfully made!  You are loved fiercely by God not because of what you do, have done, or don’t do, but simply because of who you are!  God is overflowing with loving-kindness and mercy and grace. And Grace is all about being, not doing! To see ourselves like this is truly transforming!  It is transforming not only for ourselves, but also for others. 

I’m convinced that the standard that we use to measure ourselves is the same one we use for others.  The way that we “do unto others” is the way in which have done to ourselves, have had done to us or believe SHOULD be done to us.  So if we believe we are worthless, we will see others as worthless. If we hate ourselves, we will hate others and if we don’t love ourselves we won’t love others. (I personally believe this is what drives the violence and racism that is endemic on display in the USA).  On the other hand, when we do love ourselves and see all that is well and good, we can and will see others in the same way, through the same light.  Its God’s light.  Its the light of love.  And what a glorious light it is!