“Love is a vow”  Christ the Eternal Tao

“Love is patient, kind, longsuffering . . .” St. Paul

“Nothing is so hungry as the human heart.”  Those words of Mariana Caplan concisely describe the simultaneous joy and sorrow, the agony and ecstasy that comes with love; the rocket fuel for human life.

But what is love? That question came up in a recent discussion group that I took part in.  As I sat listening to others share their ideas about this topic I was formulating my own.  (Isn’t that what we do; only half-listen to another person due to our own desire to start thinking about what we’re going to say next, which will, in our own opinion, undoubtedly be so much more insightful and intelligent)?  My first thought was:  “If there were an easy and obvious answer to that question there wouldn’t be so many songs written about love.”   Then I came up with a list of what love is NOT, such as selfish, hurtful, lustful, etc.  That was easy.  Then I tried thinking of what love IS, and 1 Corinthians, called the Love Chapter of the Bible, came to mind. “Love is patient, kind, longsuffering, keeps no record wrongs . . .”  That was somewhat helpful, but it didn’t seem to capture the essence of the answer to the question, “What is love?”  I’m curious how you would answer it?

The following morning when I woke up I was still pondering that question.  The definition quoted above, that love is a vow, crossed my reading path.  That was worth pondering in the context of the traditional Christian marriage ceremonies and the vows made there.  If love is a vow, then why is it that so many people who have faithfully kept that vow for years are so miserable and seem to have anything BUT love for their spouse?  And then, rather unexpectedly, the word “mystery” came to mind.  Love is a mystery. It can’t be defined, just as God can’t be defined or grasped by the human mind. The value of love, like God, is found not in describing, but in experiencing it.

The attempts that we make to define love—or other things and people for that matter—spring from a very ego-driven and dualistic perspective on life.  It’s as if we’re saying that in order for something to have meaning we must give it that meaning, or put it into a context that means something to us.  The very act of defining love makes it something other than what it is and that belongs to us—as if we had ownership of it.

Imagine for a moment a fish defining the water it swims in, or an eagle defining the sky through which it soars, or a baby defining the compassionate caretaking she receives from a mother or father.  It’s rather silly, isn’t it?  And yet that is the trap we fall into when attempting to define love rather than simply sitting back, sitting still and enjoying it.  The experience could occur in a plethora of contexts; being in nature, holding a new-born baby, sharing dinner with friends, listening to the rain fall or seeing the sunrise, holding the hand of one who is dying, holding space for the one who is crying, making sacred love to another person, or feeling the sensual love of the Divine.   Those are a few examples of the experience of being in love.  There is a myriad more, many, perhaps most of which cannot be described, only experienced.  What matters is being in love.  Being . . . in . . . love.  It’s such a marvelous mystery!  That is what I believe love is.