Anam Cara
“No longer do I call you servants . . . but I have called you friends.” Jesus in John 15
“A friend is a loved one who awakens your life in order to set free the wild possibilities within you.” John O’Donahue
Anne of Green Gables was one of my daughter’s favorite shows. Anne, with an “e”, was a rather precocious little red-haired girl, seeming always to find adventure and excitement in life, or maybe it found her. She also recognized the value of friendship. Her best friend was Diana Barry, whom she referred to as her “dearest Diana”, and “kindred spirit.”
Anne and Diana are a perfect example of this term Anam Cara. It means “soul friend.” An Anam Cara is a person whom you love as much as you lover yourself—maybe even more. It is a person whom, upon meeting, you immediately recognize, as though you’ve known them all your life—and maybe even before your life! A soul friend is another with whom you can be completely vulnerable, honest, and genuine; there is no expectation to perform or pressure to put on airs or try to impress. You can entrust your heart to a Soul Friend, and more than that your life.
A soul friend is not the same as a soul mate. The latter carries the connotation of romance. And while it is not impossible for an Anam Cara to be a lover, it is not limited to nor primarily defined by romance. It is, in fact, a love that goes much deeper than romance. For too often romance is forged in the fire of passion, sometimes burning out after mere moments, whereas a soul friend is forged in the furnace of ultimate faith and fidelity, and lasts for eternity.
Do you have a friend like that? Have you ever? Who is your Anam Cara? Your Diana Barry? Your kindred spirit? We all need that person in our life. In fact, perhaps we need to be soul friends with three.
The first is God. Have you ever thought of God as your friend? As your dear friend with whom you can be yourself without pretense or presumptuousness, knowing that you will be loved and accepted as you are? I didn’t for a very long time in my life. I suspect that like most people I viewed God as a casual acquaintance and maybe at times even and adversary. I viewed God as one who was expecting me to please with what I did, rather than recognizing that God is pleased with me for who I am. Think of the difference for a moment. My perception of God was kind of as an old man who perpetually wore a scowl or even an angry face. It was a miracle of grace embodied in others that caused me to see God as dear friend, and feel God’s warm and loving embrace.
The second is yourself. Yes, yourself as your own friend. Have you thought of yourself that way? Are you friends with yourself? Do you love yourself? I don’t mean that in a self-obsessed, narcissistic, Kim Kardashian kind of way. I mean that in the purest and most profound of ways. In the way that is described by David in Psalm 139, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” If there is a precious message found amid all the other words of Jesus recorded in the Gospels, it is this one found in John 15, where He calls the disciples His friends. If God so loves us, surely, we must be worthy of loving ourselves. I heard it said once that if we treated others like we view ourselves we’d all be in jail. I think that’s true! We have a propensity to see ourselves as our own worst enemy. What a gracious gift to come to love ourselves for ourselves, and as ourselves, and to befriend the beautiful person, body, mind, and soul, that God’s Spirit has placed within us.
The third Anam Cara is another person. Listen to how O’Donahue describes it: “There is an awakening between you, an sense of ancient knowing. Love opens the door of ancient recognition. You enter. You come home to each other at last. As Euripedes said, ‘Two friends, one soul.”[1]
You can have more than one Anam Cara in your lifetime. Or maybe you’ve only ever had one. We’ll explore that more fully in future blogs. But again I ask, do you have an Anam Cara? If so, who is that person for you? If not, perhaps that is something to put on the top of your prayer list.
I leave you with some inspired words, not from Scripture but Carol King.
“When you’re down and troubled and you need some lovin care,
And nothin, nothin is going right,
Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there,
To brighten even your darkest night.
You just call out my name and you know, wherever I am
I’ll come running, to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you’ve got to do is call,
You’ve got a friend.”
[1] “Anam Cara” by John O’Donaue. P. 23