“Am fear a the’id a dh’l, theid e tri’ uairean ann.”   Celtic saying which means “Those who come to Iona will come not once, but three times.”

“Iona is a thin place where only tissue paper separates the material from the spiritual.”  George Macleod, founder of the Iona Community

Today I leave for Iona, Scotland. I’ll be there for three weeks. It’s not the first time I’ve been there.  Not even the second or the third. This will be the fourth. Though I will see familiar places and familiar faces, the purpose is not a long vacation but more of a pilgrimage. I’m going to the place where my soul is at home, returning to the location of my death and rebirth.

Seven years ago this month I jettisoned most everything I had, job, house, and most of my possessions, and even most of my friends, and went to Iona, Scotland to live in an ecumenical community for ten weeks.  Some may have seen my leaving as an escape or running away from a life that no longer worked for me, and maybe to some extent it was, but in retrospect I see it clearly as being drawn to a sacred place that for centuries had been a destination for pilgrims just like me. Many were broken, sick, and dying, both literally and figuratively, and were seeking healing.  Some had lost their way and were seeking a new direction in life.  Others had lost God, or felt abandoned or forgotten, and were seeking a deeper, more meaningful relationship with the divine.  I fit all those categories.  Perhaps you can relate?

There are life events that rock us to the very core of our being.  Crises or catastrophes that cause us to question God, life, and ourselves.  There are times when we feel as if we are dying, or maybe even wish we were dead.  We are stripped down to our bare bones, and nothing at all seems to matter except discovering a new direction in which we are led from death to life. If we are willing to listen and follow that still, small, voice that is calling us, resurrection can happen. 

It’s a frightening prospect, leaving the old way of life.  For though it is painful, and soul sucking, it is familiar and provides a modicum of comfort.  But when the pain becomes overwhelming and pointless, we become more willing to drop our nets, leave what we have called home, and go in search of the person we are being called to be.  At least that’s how it was for me.

I had to die, to bury all of the dry bones and false beliefs of my past life and be raised again into the new life I was called to live, the person I was called to be, and the true God that I had once known but from whom I had become estranged.  Resurrection and new birth happened. Or at least it began to happen at Iona.  There I found acceptance for who I was just as myself.  There I found an identity aside from being a pastor, delivering me from the desperate attempts to please parishioners . . . and God.  There I was not defined as a disappointment, but as a delight; as the Beloved of God.  There I found a community which, though they “did church”, did not believe or behave like other churches I’d been part of.  Guess what?  They not only proclaimed grace and love and hospitality to all, but they also actually practiced it!  There I found people who had stopped pretending to be someone they weren’t and were content just being themselves, not trying to impress others with their false piety.  There I found a community that wasn’t concerned with petty grievances—be they against the pastor or one another—nor personal agendas, nor meaningless programs and agendas, but were united in a bond of love that found expression in a genuine concern for others and the world.  There I found God.  There I found Christ.  There I found The Gospel.  There I found The Good News that God loves me for me.  There I was given new birth and began the journey home to My Self. 

Since then, life has not been perfect.  It’s not meant to be.  It HAS been joyful, peaceful, and merciful.  Since then, I’ve had my share of struggles, hardships, and heartaches.  But all of those led me deeper into the heart of God.  Since then, I’ve spent prolonged periods of time away from the church, which was necessary to lead me closer to God.  It’s TRUE!  Since then, I’ve met wonderful people who don’t claim to be Christians, but who are more loving, accepting, kind, and compassionate than some of those who say that they are.  Since then, I’ve continued to embrace others as best as I can with the love of God in which I was embraced at Iona. And that is why I am going back.  That is why I MUST go back.  Because Iona is where I found my heart.

Let me tell you that I love you, that I think about you all the time,

Caledonia you’re calling me and now I’m going home.

If I should become a stranger, You know that it would make me more than sad,

Caledonia’s been everything I’ve ever had.[1]

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[1] From the song,“Caledonia” by Dougie Maclean