“No one is good but God alone.”  Jesus of Nazareth

“The highest virtue is to act without a sense of self.” Lao-Tzu

“The best good work is the one you’re not aware of.” Martin Luther

“Be good.”  How many times did you hear that from your parents?  How many times have you spoken it to your own children?  The list of how to “be good” is endless and includes such items as not talking back or using bad language, doing as we are told, not arguing with siblings or fighting with friends, studying hard in school, making our beds and keeping our rooms clean, and helping an old lady across the street if you are a boy scout.  “Being good” is defined by our behaviors.  If we were born into a traditional family, or maybe a strictly religious one, we were subject to such age-old adages as “children are to be seen and not heard”, or worse yet “Spare the rod and spoil the child.”  Discipline could at times be mistaken for abuse, be it verbal, physical or emotional.  Some religions taught that we are born completely sinful, without any “goodness” in us, and therefore we must work to earn our way back into God’s good graces. 

As a result of these perspectives a great deal of damage has been done.  For a time during Covid I worked with men who had sexual addictions.  Almost without exception each and every one of them had experienced serious childhood trauma.  They were not loved well by one or both parents, and suffered various forms of abuse at their hands, or those of others.  It had a devastating and permanent effect on their lives.  They also were not able to love well, because they didn’t believe they were worthy of love.

I believe that is true of many, if not most of us.  We are each desperate to be loved, and yet we don’t believe that in and of ourselves we are worthy of love, be it from others or from God.  And so in our craving for love we try and be good in the hopes that somehow, someone will love us.  It’s a vicious cycle.

Here is a formula that I feel is essential in helping to break this horrible and unhealthy mindset:  God is good.  We come from God.  Therefore, we are part of God and thus are good.  As Wayne Dyer writes, “I need no human-made device (or person) to confirm it.  Goodness and God-ness are one, and I trust who I am and will therefore live and act from this perspective.”  Because we are of God, and loved by God, we don’t have to try and BE good—cuz we ALREADY ARE.  In fact, the more we embrace this truth the less pressure we feel to try and please God or others, and the more genuine we can be in our love towards both.  As Lao-Tzu say, “A good person is not aware of their goodness, and is therefore good.” 

Here’s something that might surprise you, and that many religious people don’t understand:  It’s not about being good, but about simply being.  Being the person God, in love, created us to be. Think about that as you consider these questions.

How did you fail to meet the expectations of parents or others to be “good” while growing up?

What were the consequences—both short-term and long?

How would connecting “God-ness” with “goodness” change your perspective on yourself?

What would it take for you to embrace God’s good love for you?

I leave you with this quote from St. John of the cross.

“I was sad one day and went for a walk; I sat in a field.

A rabbit noticed my condition and came near.

It often does not take more than that to help at times—to just be close to creatures who are so full of knowing, so full of love, that they don’t—chat, they just gaze with their marvelous understanding.”