“Just as the day was breaking, Jesus stood on the shore, yet the disciples didn’t recognize Him.” John 21:4

“You have to live in the gray, or you got no kindness in your heart.” From On Living by Kerri Egan.

Being an empathetic, compassionate and genuine human being requires not only recognizing, but becoming comfortable living the gray areas. Not talking about Fifty Shades of Gray, but in all of those areas in daily life where there is no “black or white”. Contrary to what some Christians would have us believe, these gray areas abound, both doctrinally and in daily life.

Most of my pastoral life was spent trying to avoid the gray areas. In my tradition we were taught to divide our preaching and practice into “Law and Gospel”. The law condemned sin, and the Gospel comforted the sinner. Either Or. Thus to me almost everything was dualistically divided. People were seen as “good or bad”. Actions were either “right or wrong”. There were “Christians or Non-Christians”, “Believers or Unbelievers”, “Lutherans and Non-Lutherans”. It was very much an “us versus them” mentality. I maintained a high level of vigilance and was quick to interpret, categorize and judge. I thought it was God’s way. I was wrong. Terribly so! It was man’s way, which I made my way. And it failed me miserably when I was finally living in the gray myself.

Once I had spent time in the darkness, I began slowly moving back into the light. One simply can’t remain in the darkness. To do so would cause one to be transformed into a Gollum-like being from Lord of the Rings. The light began to shine in my darkness. Not a spotlight—more like a candle. Gradually the darkness surrenders to the light. But before one can stand in the brilliance of the radiant Son, there must be the gradual movement through the dawn. That gray time of day when things aren’t quite clear; figures are cloaked and objects only appear to be as they actually are. There is a semblance of the real, but one is yet uncertain. One is left trying to figure things out.

That’s what the disciples were doing on the Sea of Galilee. The darkness of death and their own despair was slowly giving way to the light of real resurrection. They had received glimpses of Jesus. He had stood among them, and now He was there again. Standing at a distance in the dawn of that day Jesus had come to give them His light and His life.

It’s not hard for us to imagine what it was like for the disciples in the gray of that day. Whether we want to admit it or not, that’s where we spend so much of our life: in the gray. And that’s a very good thing!

In her book “On Living” Kerri Egan recounts the story of a man who recognized and valued the gray areas of life. He was comfortable with it. He tried to get Kerri to see the gray. In time she did. Many of us don’t . Some of us won’t. We want certainty, not mystery. But certainty is not God’s way.

Mystery is. And it is exciting.