The flotsam and jetsam of people wrecked by religion is floating everywhere. It’s not hard to find. One doesn’t even have to look for it, or better said “Them”. We find them as we walk along this sandy beach of faith. They’re not hard to spot if we are open and aware. Often times they find us. I can’t count the number of formerly faithful church goers who have crashed and burned and have either been dumped on the scrap heap never to be reclaimed or recycled, or continue to go through the motions but are a mere burned out shell of what they were before. This includes pastors. I encountered another one yesterday.

A former colleague called me out of the blue. I hadn’t heard from him for at least a year, although I had heard about him. He was having severe challenges in his church as well as in his personal life. There was conflict in his congregation and people were leaving by the boatload. His wife had faced serious health issues and had undergone a number of surgeries. One of his children is estranged from him. His life is a mess. He called me to see how I was doing. I’m convinced that was merely pretense. He needed someone to talk to. Someone distant and safe who could understand. Maybe he was considering throwing in the towel. He didn’t say so. In fact he didn’t say anything too deliberately or clearly. He was guarded with his words, a habit learned no doubt from having his trust betrayed by other pastors and parishioners. As he spoke I was listening not only to what he said, but how he said it, and of course what he didn’t say. Rather than giving him advice I spoke truth in a loving way. What was the truth?

The truth is that the ministry is wrecking him. The truth is it is probably responsible for helping to ruin the health of his wife. The truth is that as a result he is, in turn, doing damage to others as he simply can’t serve them as they need. The truth is that there’s no honor in being a martyr, in “going down with the ship”, or thinking that taking up the cross and following Jesus means that he has to submit to being crucified as well. The truth is that life this side of eternity is too short to spend it spinning one’s wheels, doing the same drudgery over and over again in the hope that maybe God will reward one for their due diligence. The truth is that if you really love others sometimes you have to leave them. Ouch, that hurts to hear myself write that! The truth is that if we’re not part of the solution then we’re part of the problem. The truth is that people need more love and grace and forgiveness and less dogma, doctrine and condemnation for sin. The truth is that often times you can be a more faithful person outside of the realm of religious practice than within it.

I shared that as well as other things with him in a less blunt and much more gentle form. I’m not sure if he was listening. If he was I doubt if he believed most of it. But then I asked him if he had joy. I think he heard that. His response was telling: “What does it mean to be joyful?” He didn’t know what joy is. He couldn’t define it.
The conversation lasted an hour. When it ended I felt sad for him, and so many others like him who have washed up as wrecks on the shore of religion and who are waiting for someone to restore them. I pray to God that He does. I’m pretty much convinced that only He can.