“Be Still . . . “ Psalm 46

Jesus went up on a mountain by Himself to pray.

One of the many benefits of darkness is that it gives one the opportunity to have solitude and silence, rare commodities in our culture.

Solitude is not the same as being alone. In solitude one is sequestered from the madhouse of daily life; the traffic, the people, the social media, the demands that are placed upon a person while walking—better put, frantically RUNNING, in the light.
Silence doesn’t mean no communication. From my experience it is in the silence that God speaks most clearly and coherently. It is in the silence that one must listen, not only to God but to oneself.

Those who live in monasteries choose solitude and silence as a way of life. True, they live in community, but a great deal of their time is spent devoted to communion not only between themselves and the divine, but between themselves and themselves. Think about that.

Life in a frantic and hurried world demands that we spend a great deal of our time and energy outside of ourselves being busy with other things. There is little if any time for soul reflection and refreshment. As a result we become unable to carry our burdens, let alone those of others, because we are empty. We continue to “do” for God and others, but have no spiritual or emotional reserve from which to draw, and thus become bitter and burnt out. I speak from personal experience.

I had spent a good deal of my time serving the needs of others. I was a “giver”. My profession demanded that I pour myself out for the sake of filling, or at least attempting to fill, the empty cups of others. I was led to believe that this was what God desired. That it was pleasing to Him. After all, didn’t He say that “Whoever desires to follow Me must deny himself and take up his cross?”

How easy it is to justify self sacrifice in the name of God, but really for the sake of serving the ego! If the crucifixion was the one and only sacrifice required by the Father for the world (and I’m not so sure that was the primary point—a topic for another time), then why in the world would God require any of us to sacrifice ourselves in the name of service to Him or others? It makes no sense whatsoever. I believe that if God desires anything it is mercy, not sacrifice (He said that Himself), and that in order to be merciful to others one must be merciful to oneself, and that requires silence and solitude.

When one is dedicated to spending time in solitude and silence, one makes many new discoveries, one of the most surprising being the existence of beauty. Not the beauty of creation, of viewing a sunrise or flowers or such. Rather, the beauty of one’s self! John O’Donohue writes in his book “Anam Cara”, “There is a deep beauty within every person. Beauty is the illumination of your soul.”

“There is a deep beauty within every person.” How contrary to the deep stain of sin that I was indoctrinated into! During the time of my deepest darkness, I felt anything BUT beautiful! I saw myself as an ugly person. But it was in that darkness that the beauty of God began to slowly be unveiled. It was in that darkness that I re-discovered the primordial beauty of the first creation, when things came to “be” in the darkness, and God said “It is good.” And it was in that darkness that the beauty of the darkness of the womb in which I was created and nourished was restored to me, and I fully realized that indeed I was “fearfully and wonderfully made”.

If one is constantly on the move, rushing about with endless tasks and to-do lists to check off, this beauty eludes us. But if one welcomes the solitude and silence found in life’s darkness, one begins to gaze upon beauty; The beauty of God formed and reflected in us. This is not the self-absorbed, narcissistic glamour that is disguised as beauty in our culture, but rather a much deeper and more meaningful beauty: The beauty of being the beloved of God. It is a beauty that God bestows upon each of us, and is ours to discover. In solitude. And silence.